When I Grow Up...

"When I grow up, I want to be..."

Surely, this is a comment that most of us have heard of or know of, or have even stated outloud ourselves. Well, I am here to tell you that I am still saying it.

I have always changed my mind on what I wanted to do in life, a statement I heard enough times from my mother, but the thing is, I think I don't know what I want to do - ever. Period. Of all my occupations so far in life, I have never aspired to be any of them. Not a student, a bum, a volunteer, a check-out-chick-turned-supermarket-all-rounder, an assistant secretary type thing, a missionary [not another form of being a bum], a bum, and an aged care worker [currently]. And, scarily, most of those occupations lasted less than 2 years [quite a thankful point when I think about those times when I was being a bum].

I am also my own worst enemy. I hate being with out work [and am not currently unemployed if you are thinking you've missed out on some big news - from the part-time blogger that is me, that is], yet when I've been out of work I find inspiration to get my butt into gear scarce for big, long, vast periods of time. On the flip side, when I have a job, like I currently do, I long for the days of carefree nothingness and have plans upon plans of things I could be doing - if only I didn't have a job.

On the flipped-flip-side, there is the loathsome monetary issues. I hate being broke, and hate is a strong, passionate, "barely recoverable" emotion which very much equals to my emotion towards being broke. I superglue-strongly dislike borrowing from others - except my Dad, but that's another story - and I even more super-dooper-glue strongly dislike getting the pitiful government hand out that barely covers my life expenses - including the student fees that often come hand-in-hand with the government hand out times of my life.

Dilemma. Aspire to be a bum and do absolutely everything you want as long as it doesn't require a cost of any sort and be happy to live in squaller because you cannot pay bills, because we know that is the ultimate expectation of a person who does not work [well... usually]. Or, aspire to be someone, somewhere doing something that allows you to do absolutely everything you want as long as you are not taking up work hours or other commitments and live life not having too many worries about, well, pretty much anything.

PS - When I grow up, I want to be happy, doing whatever it is God wants me to do.
Even if it means being a bum for a while.

No Boys in Carpeted Areas

In The Bachelorette Pad, we have a few rules. One of my favourites is that "no boys can go on carpeted areas" within our house. This basically means we cannot have the boys go up the stairs or to our rooms. Which is a pretty good, "well-behaving" rule to have so that we are all well behaved young women!

Pray for Australia

Right now, a natural disaster is being experienced in Australia's tropical state, Queensland. Incredibly high rainfall - an unusual occurrence during our summer season - has caused mass flooding through most of the southern Queensland, affecting Rockhampton, Toowoomba and Ipswich [among other nearby towns] and has begun to decend upon the state capital, Brisbane. Thousands of people have been evacuated from their homes and set up in shelters throughout the Queensland state, with a confirmed 10 dead people - 5 of which are children - and over 90 missing.

North-Western New South Wales and areas around Victoria, including Melbourne, are among those now on high alert for flooding due to the incredible rainfall expected [and being experienced] over northern Western Australia, Northern Territory, Queensland, New South Wales and Victoria.

Cyclones in the north of Western Australia, fires near Perth...

Its not just praying for those who have perished in these floods, but also for those being displaced from their homes in the shelters, and its praying for those who are cut off from towns for supplies and who are isolated by the floodwaters.

Its also praying for those who have gone up from all over Australia to assist in the search and rescue operations, its also for those who are risking their lives saving those who are stranded, and its for the clean up that will come after all of this - that communities will rally together and support one another.

Yeah... crazy times... but Australian's are good at supporting one another during a crisis. Usually.

The Band-Aid

There is a Band-Aid on my heart. A patch that is fragile and easily removed if it has been treated rough; a patch that allows for healing, for the wound to seal, for the wholeness of the heart to be full again but... doesn't really allow for new hurt when it comes along. However, it doesn't matter that the Band-Aid is small, for it is designed to do a huge job.

This Band-Aid is durable, flexible, breathable, waterproof and temporary... and its no perfect: it has flaws. Sometimes, its not able to stop a leakage occurring because the wound is too great. The wound is exposed, agitated and cleaned again and a new Band-Aid is applied. Sometimes, the Band-Aid is not properly applied, and if the owner is not careful, it could get caught on the worldly ideas of justice and being right and revenge. Sometimes the wound is too great, and a Master Surgeon is required to help mend the tear. And sometimes, the owner refuses to let it heal, and doesn't use the Band-Aid at all.

There is a Band-Aid on my heart. Eventually, there will no longer be a wound, but its not just the Band-Aid's job to heal it. The owner of the Heart needs to let healing take place. The owner needs to go to the Creator of Life for strength and endurance during the times of need and of pain. The owner needs to let love overflow from the heart despite the thoughts of giving up for that would be easier than the risk of having it hurt again.

For the different circumstances that have burnt us and hurt us, forgiveness and love are key ingredients in the diagnosis of a wounded, broken or torn heart. The Band-Aid is good, but only for a little while. The biggest challenge in taking this prescription of love and forgiveness? It doesn't always taste nice. Sometimes, the prescription - though for us to accept and choose to administer - has a bigger affect on the one that has caused you your pain.

There is a Band-Aid on my heart. It has been agitated, the wound has been reopened. It hurts, but the Creator of Life has checked it out and its not a really bad wound. It will heal well, he said. It will make me strong, an honourable trophy of triumph through a season. His most important instruction is that I  don't keep the Band-Aid on for forever... wash it with love and forgiveness and it will heal quickly.

the Alphabet starts with the letter A…

Amazing how life takes a turn into a direction you couldn't imagine yourself taking. You picture yourself heading to point X, yet unbeknownst to you, God has you heading to point J. Somewhere along the line, God-willing, you'll find your partner in crime [a partner to share a life sentence with, criminally termed here - haha] who just happens to be heading to point M, with God also directing them towards point J.

I am not trying to tell you I have found my geographically- and directionally-challenged man yet. No. He's still running wild in the wilderness out there, with no map in hand, following no GPS, not realising where I am just yet, just simply enjoying his time running around with no pants on, beating his chest and playing with sticks in the dirt. Despite how appealing that image really is… 

I am also not telling you that its all Mister Man's fault that I am still single and waiting for him to rescue me like a fairytale would. Because I am not a princess stranded up a tower with immensely long hair, nor did I eat a bad apple and am stuck snoring my head off till he decides that kissing a sleeping person isn't creepy at all. I have [many many] things to learn, like truly being content with where I am in life, how to deal with conflict better, loving as un-conditionally as I can… while Mister Man simply has to "evolve" himself [the creation kind of evolving that is] into a man who will realise how super awesome I am - and be okay with that. Because I am okay with that…

Point J. I didn't plan on calling it Point J - the direction that God has me and future hubby, yet its quite OBVIOUS why it would be Point J. What could that be, one could wonder. Juicy. January. Jubiliee. Perhaps the most OBVIOUS answer is Jesus. I'm sorry to burst your "thinking of J-named things" bubble, but I just couldn't wait for you to quit thinking up J-named things of insanity like I am sure you would…

So - that's all I have to say at nearly a bright and sunny 7pm on a Tuesday night, while sitting here being awkwardly stared at by a creepy dude who INSISTED on sitting at the very table I'm at despite ALL the free space and free tables that are in this cafe. Thankyou, creepy man, for creeping me out, tapping on the table like you own it [oh, well, where's you name and booking, huh?] and invading my "personal space" space, while I sit here with headphones on drinking my delicious cappuccino. Yes. Thank you.

PS - my little nephew's 2nd birthday is TODAY. He's two, for those who needed clarification. What the dang-nabbit. I've seen him but a glimpse of that time. Well here's an accidentally-awesome photo I took of him for your viewing pleasure. Look, and adore the little ragamuffin.

PSS - Did i mention how amazing this cappuccino is - despite the creepy man?

Detadpu::updateD

Okay, so... I really need an update on my blog. Its so hard to motivate myself when I have work in the afternoon [starts about 4pm and goes to... 11pm] and I have the morning off. I like to fluff around and take my time doing everything because I know I will be pretty busy in the evening during work. And if I work all day [so like 7am - about 4pm] then I am just poopered after having walked around and around for the whole shift!!!

However... work is awesome. And that's right - not studying no more - just working now. The girl I was studying and on placement with... and myself are now un-officially employed where we had placement. Which is SUPER because we already know many of the things there are to know. We get officially employed this coming week. 

Its so nice to work with people who I am familiar with and pretty much everyone [residents included] are great to be with... most of the time. Some other carers and nurses are REALLY rough and rude to some of the more difficult residents, which I struggle with alot [the attitude and care they take... not meaning the difficult residents, who I do have some struggles with aswell... oh whatever]. Many of the carer's dont want to spend the little bit of extra time with the residents to allow them to do some things themselves because we are all so busy and have so many other people to take care of too, and understandably, it makes you late for other things that need to be done. But this takes away their independance, their dignity and their respect, so this is something I have to master in order to keep people being actively apart of their care, while at the same time, not spending forever with one person [when there's usually about 12 in all -per section- also requiring your help].

I think dealing with difficult residents will help me better deal with difficult pre-teen and teenagers [I guess I am inclining to the day I might have my own, hey God!?!]. Because, many of these people act like they are -truly- children. They throw tantrums, get mad when they don't get what they want, smack others who they are angry with, follow you around nagging or complaining or abusing you, slam doors and things and scarily remind me of myself when I misbehaved as a teenager.

But they also love you, like to help you, talk to you, laugh and joke with you and appreciate what you are doing for them.
We've had now 3 people pass away since I started placement. The first one affected me mostly because I saw her decline while working with her that day, and then seeing her moments before she passed, but understanding that she was close to the end, not realising it was SO close. That hit home a little bit, but it was a experience I have to get used to. I haven't as yet 'found' someone who has passed away, and I think that will affect me more.

I have been trying to pray through my day for those who are more sick or more frail, in hospital, or are really just waiting for death to come. One lady, who has barely eaten in weeks, is as frail as thin paper over a simple frame, and is now remaining in bed being too exhausted for her legs to hold her body up. She has outlived all expectations. She is also bringing up many discussions from the other carers who work there that 'if there really is a Bloke upstairs' that He wouldn't let this lady continue to live in her condition. Its hard to not say "Christian" things - plus I'm not really allowed to either-, but I try and show that maybe its not just this lady waiting to die, but maybe its her family too... that perhaps she has yet to pass because she is still 'hanging on' for them. Today, I told her "its okay", something that we are encouraged to say to those who we know are close, not for any reason but sometimes they just need that one tiny bit of permission that they can go. I will be sad when she passes, but I know that it will be a great relief to her and her family.

I am also very stuck if people say "Someone just needs to end it"... not meaning it in a mean way, but I guess in their head its the humane way.

Its funny, I see death and mental health illnesses so differently now. I think I am reacting to my normal friends and those people I will see in everyday life differently... to mood swings or outburst of verbal abuse [not like my friends are prone to doing that - haha] or to the fact that sometimes, people just need someone to listen to them. At the same time, there are a few residents who I am VERY frustrated by, and wonder if they play on their mental health illnesses to get more attention.

One lady asks EVERYONE the same question... and sometimes you have to be quite blunt with her in order for her to understand, which I struggle to do. Eg, she will usually say one of the following statements: 

"Will you help me? I am so lost..." so we take her to her room or point in the direction for her to go;

"This stick [walking stick] says my room is number 18, but I don't know..." so we confirm her room and do the previous actions;

"Do you know who I am?..." why, yes we do;

"Will you shower me now?" and we tell her "soon", or just after *insert something here*

EACH time that a person gives a response, she then goes to the next person and asks them, like she is playing people off of each other until she gets a response she likes. And, I'm all for understanding that she has dementia, but her family doesn't experience this extreme behaviour. Interesting!

However, I truly love my job!! I clean bums, front-bottoms [girls] and some tackle [boys], but I really don't think about it - much like changing babies. Sure, they have bits there, but you do get all weird about it. I have a weekly task of viewing under many boobies, and can I just say that some of these women are well a-breast!!! We have special lifting machines for two ladies who are bed- or chair-ridden. We make breakfast, serve morning tea, lunch [3 courses], afternoon tea, dinner [3 courses] and supper. The nurses and those of admin importance say the residents are getting overweight or gaining weight... I wonder why. Its like a 4.5 star hotel. 

I get to be kissed by many of the women [the double-cheek-kiss that Europeans do... because these residents are from Ukraine, Croatia, Russia, and Poland] in the morning... and in the afternoon get abused in foreign languages [which just makes me laugh really] by the same people. I've been kicked in the face, slapped, punched and bitten by a lady who has no teeth. Strange feeling.

And yet, I know this is exactly where I am meant to be right now. I have been challenged to 'tone down' on my enthusiasm - but not to completely stop being me...

I hope this update has found you in the most fabulous day today...

Nurse Betty... week one.

I seem to start most of my recent posts with an apology of sort. You see, I don't have the same access the the internet that I used to, and when I do get access, I have to make it quick because I am sharing it with other people.

This past week has been even more sporadic with access to the internet. I have officially begun Nursing training. Its been wild, detailed and extremely full on... I am loving it! Two more things I am loving? Being able to call myself a nurse, AND, a coffee shop selling delicious coffee using Five Senses beans straight across from my uni. So great to drink the coffee that we used on the Doulos when we were trained to be Barista's around Australia. And the guys there are great to talk to during our breaks.

I have attention issues, and study always drives me mad because it takes SO long to learn something and then I don't plan my study time wisely and then because it was SO long ago that I learnt anything without putting it into practice, I usually forget it. However, my current study plan is SO busy, SO quick and SO full on, I am still full of information and understanding and my assingments are so much easier to do because its so fresh.

Consider this: my course is 2 months long: one month of theory in the class room followed by one month of practical in a working environment. Its jam-packed full of information. Its so tiring, exhausting and draining. I don't think I've slept this well since I left the ship. That's how exhausted this makes me feel, while at the same time, I am so full of energy and excitement for the next steps... I am pumped! 6 months of 'holidays' could have something to do with this.

So - do you know what I am studying, aside from nursing? Firstly I am going to be a Aged Care Nurse. I will hopefully gain work pretty much straight after my studies have finished, and then I aim to work till about April next year [2011] when I will either stop working completely and pursue Enrolled Nursing studies, or I will do part time work and study. This will be decided according to how much the course is, how much money i can save between now and then and most importantly... if that is the direction God wants me to pursue.

God put this passion on my heart, and God can 'drive' the desire for more studies if that is where He is directing me to. For the time being, I am hoping to specialise in Paediactrics and/or Midwifery after Enrolled Nursing studies. However, I am also willing to be directed in any direction from here. Maybe my job will just be to make the days entertaining for the elderly people. Who knows? God knows.