Moving on...

I departed this blog with no passion to write (mostly because I didn't have a clear direction), however after much deliberation and a heart to write again - I bring forth a new blog. If you wish to follow, I warmly invite you to

http://findingcarola.blogspot.com.au/

--- awol.

Hello, Me

I haven't been here since May. I haven't missed this, whatever this is, exactly. A glorified journal? A place to dump my thoughts? What was my purpose of this? I wasn't discussing important issues, I didn't have the purpose that others do, my role wasn't to educate others or grow peoples skills. I thought I could turn it around into an arty blog but when it starts off as one thing it rarely transitions to something else. I had/have? people who follow me, but especially since my blogfeed was canned by the higher authorities - I haven't found it as easy to follow the blogs I enjoy myself. Infact, I have to hunt down my favourite blogs without the convenience of having an up-to-date 'newspaper' showing me the latest blogs scrolling on my homepage. Custard.

So... my thinking is - other people wont read this.

Or maybe they will. Or probably they don't. And won't.

I assume people don't because I don't hear anything much. I am pretty sure my latest number of posts were comment-less. And I don't mind. Its not like I spam comments to people on their blogs these days. People have lives - we all accept that.

Then it comes back to the main question.

What is this blog?

This blog is retired. Until I come up with a new blog idea. A new start. A new journey. I might let this blog know the new destination - for anyone that may care to come along.

Cheerio kids. Wherever you are and whatever you do - may you have a smile on your face at all times.

C

Latest creations and inspirations

The completed quilt of many colours

I adore this colour palette. Vineyard outside of Strathalbyn

A new crochet technique. What to create with this...

Attempt 2 of a circle top. This one didn't get much further (too bunched up)

Some of the latest outdoor changes... more plants, on a cool stand

Autumnal Colours. This project is about half finished.

Doodling late, late, LATE one night on night duty.

I'm blessed with these sunsets right outside my home overlooking the ocean.

Another project I didn't need to do but was fun to make. Fingerless gloves.

Family

A Bright New World

Hello friends!!!

Its been a long time between posts. I have missed reading blogs, but I have been busy!

My brain has previously felt a little like that balloon above - deflated and caught in a net. But I had a crafty/arty/creative revival, and I'm in the process of completing a delicious and warm rug...

I can't wait for winter to snuggle down in that bad boy!

I'll get back into blogging, but I don't have the brain space for words to write.

So - some pictures for now.

Herro...

I lost interest in blogging for a bit.

I've been hiding.

I've felt lonely. I miss my old friends.

I've had a large portion of my life turn upside down.

I've been very challenged.

And... then I breathed.

I trusted.

I took each new step.

I tried new things.

I feel less lonely.

I have some new friends.

I'm learning to understand my new friends, too.

I'm taking on new roles.

I'm having new challenges.

I'm stumbling a little.

I'm having fun.

Absent in writing; Purposeful Praying

I left the confines of my blog in March for many reasons. Mainly to work out why I blog, to work out why I get frustrated with my blog, and to work out what I want my blog to be.

Its so lovely to read blogs who have frequent visitors - comments of hillarious-ness or of support, and although having visitors is nice, I had to determine if it really mattered if people write or not? I think for a long time, it mattered to me. I am an energised soul; I get energised from many interactions - mostly with friends: old friends, new friends, fellowship time with a bunch of random people. I get energised by inspirational people in art groups, music groups, and novelists. It took me a long time to discern that what my mind was hoping this blog would become was: famous. An unrealistic vision.

And if I really think about it, I am actually not as good at writing on other peoples blogs when they post as some often are to me. Looks like I had a bit of "big fish in a little pond" moment - and wanted to be in the spotlight without the need to put effort in for others. How rude of me.

What I actually want this blog to really be is a snippet of journey of life with me. A real life of ups and downs. And if people I know [or even some people I don't know] want to read along, then this makes this journey just that bit more special.

So when I realised that, I stepped away. I need to work through the things that were frustrating me and occupying my mind, and there have been SO many. I didn't want this to become my 'other facebook' where I could fill a space with random statements and with un-meaningful words. I didn't want this to be a place I would come to whinge and talk about only the interesting things that happen in my life, and only when they happened.

So when I stepped away, I turned passive attention to God into a priority to get right in my life. I turned reading the Word of God primarily on Sunday's and at bible study [yep, unfortunately its true] into purposeful searching and directed attention to seek the guidance I need from the Bible. I turned a weakening faith into a growing seed again. I turned all my thoughts, concerns, prayers and cares unto the Lord, trusting in Him and in His good timing and planning, and I stopped being bothered by the things that shouldn't be my focal points of thinking. I turned my lack of accountability with anyone into having accountability to God.

Many of my long term friendships have changed as their lives have filled with blessings of marriage and/or children, which I recognised actually challenged me to tears too often. But God has shown me that though they are different and no longer as full of fellowship as they used to be, they are still there and to not lose heart. God has also blessed me with new friends who have [as a whole] more in common with me, which has allowed us to fellowship often together to support and encourage one another. This has been one of the greatest gifts I have felt I had this year.

I also had to recognise that I am busy right now in this stage of life. I have just weeks to go before my schooling is finished [and I'll be waiting my parchment for my Diploma in Enrolled Nursing from mid October], I still have two placements to go [both in a Surgical/Medical/Orthopaedic/Plastics and Breast Surgery ward], I have assignments to do and I have those I have yet to be given to do. And I had to recognise that because when I hit a brick wall of ultimate frustration in June, [kindly brought on by two evil wisdom teeth which required urgent surgical removal], I had a chance to really think about why I was frustrated, I put action into place, and I began the process to no longer feeling overwhelmed with EVERYTHING [not dramatising the feelings at the time], prioritised what was important and needing my attention and focus, and what could be amended or put on hold to allow me to fit what I needed in.

One song that is capturing my heart right now that I heard awesomely played last weekend by Stuart Townsend [et al] called "O Church Arise" and the opening verse is powerful:

O church, arise and put your armor on;
Hear the call of Christ our captain;
For now the weak can say that they are strong
In the strength that God has given.
With shield of faith and belt of truth
We’ll stand against the devil’s lies;
An army bold whose battle cry is “Love!”
Reaching out to those in darkness.

Go and be energised by Christ. Life is different when you do!

March 6-14 Photo-A-Day

March 6 - "5pm"

Glenelg Beach

March 7 - "Something you wore"

And wore it I did.

March 8 - "Window"

My "Schwepperevescence" window-scape.

March 9 - "Red"

Doona.

March 10 - "Loud"

My "Mevans brought this from London" bag. Yeah.

March 11 - "Someone you [wish you had] talked to today" - adlibbed this one. 

My Nephew - who I wish I had spoken to.

March 12 - "Fork"

March 13 - "A sign"

The Wingfield Fuel Storage Fire that blackened Adelaide. Cough.

March 14 - "Clouds"

South Australia experiences the Melbourne 4-Seasons in one day weather.

Now I'm also singing Crowded House songs. Anyone?

March 5's Photo-A-Day

"smile"

Well that's an easy one.

March 4's Photo-a-Day

"random"

This was actually meant to be "bedside", but as I've been sick the past few days, I didn't think snotty tissues would be impressive.

So here is a picture of me MC'ing the "DOULYMPICS" in - Asia. Somewhere. I actually for the life of me struggle to remember which port we had our Doulympics in. Well back to it. I was the host of hosts, and I'm pretty sure I was exhausted after the whole day. Its funny, the days literally blend together onboard. I have this memory that we had a variety of feasting tables with a variety of food, and then we moved down the the Doulympic Arena and commenced the fun games. It was department against department. It was hillarious. There were SO many people who cheated. I'm one of those game players who 'like the rules' unless you are playing "Cheat" - when there's actually no rules.

March 3's Photo-A-Day

"your neighbourhood"

A sneek-peek of my 'hood.

March Photo A Day - Day 2

"Down"

Yesterday was normally my 2nd and last day of the week at school.

Our class had the week off because a new class had begun on Tuesday.

Some of my classmates and I caught up and had coffee at Whipped Bar Cafe, Semaphore.

I was more than feeling under the weather, but knew that it would be a good time to share things about class.

I took this on my way back to my car because the grate next to where i was parked looked cool.

Pretty much was in bed the rest of the day feeling unwell once I got home, but after a restless night, I seem to be coming out the other side of it. Huzzah!

March Photo a Day

"Up"

Walking around town with some pals, we came upon a car that works for the railway company - one of those vehicles that have adjustments to them so they can drive on the tracks.

Wedged up in the grill support was this guy.

Awesome hood ornament.

Thought that the thrusting upward hand would be a grand start to a month of images.

The Unspoken...

I haven't written about this because... well I didn't know how to process it. Sometimes, when something BIG happens to me, all I need to do is just --- blaaarghgajlsfjasklfjaskfja --- or basically, dribble about whatever and to whomever and I sort it out better and feel good. Sometimes, that seems so insignificant. But reading about this happening to Reagan - a blog I stalk juuuuust a smidge - brought it all back... and I think I'm ready

It was just seems like one month ago yesterday that my secure, happy-go-lucky, free life drastically changed... I still remember walking up to the front door, and being aware that the big rubbish bin was propped up against the gate. I innocently thought "Perhaps there's a parcel" and the Postie was being clever... and after I dumped my stuff inside I would come back out and check.

Now, walking into our house you are greeted with stairs that go up on your right, and a room that bends round to your left, and you don't see much of the rest of the living area till you walk futher in. At first I saw a bag emptied on ground and thought rational things, like... "Why would my housemate accidentally empty a bag of stuff onto the ground and leave it? She must've been in a real hurry... perhaps the wind blew it over - but the window isn't open..."

It really was only when I turned the corner and saw the shattered glass that reached the front of the house from the smashed back door, and I saw that every drawer downstairs was opened and emptied onto the floor - even the pantry door was wide open - that I felt that bottomless pit of sickly feeling open up in my stomach... my housemate and I weren't the only ones who were in our house this day.

The shock of seeing it and knowing what you are looking at but not believing it is unreal. I really had to hold myself back from touching things knowing that the police would probably have to pay our house a visit. And its really strange what you look for first... and its strange what you see and believe that its normally there. And this was just downstairs...

I had to muster up alot of courage just to even call out upstairs - fearing that the new 'house guests' were still inside. But I grabbed --- something --- [a shoe I think?]--- and made my way up. I felt sick but my adrenaline rush was insanely strong and I'm sure even if someone was there, I would've shown them a thing or two with that shoe that a shoe probably couldn't normally do. Or I felt like I could. The first room I come to at the top of the stairs is my housemate's master bedroom. She'd had her room totally trashed, all her stuff was everywhere, all her containers where thrown around the room and all her precious jewellery was gone [which I only discovered after she got home later in the evening]...

My room looked relatively normal - in that the person going through my room seemed less aggressive and a bit more thoughtful - like they were looking for something specific. Infact, had I not just cleaned my room a few days before, I would've struggled to even recognise things were even out of place. They just seemed to empty a few things onto my bed and took a few pieces of jewellery. They also took my Mac and its charger... but thankfully left my external hard-drive - which had my backups on it from my Mac - but what was a huge blessing was it also had all of my school assignments on it too...

I was never the girl who got freaked by any noises or got spooked by anything. Having spent many moments being 'surprised' by my Dad and brother, I grew up tough. I was the girl who was strutted around thinking no-one would harm anyone who lived with me - like I was some beefy jillaroo or WWF pro wrestler. Got a spider? I'll fix it. Got a funny noise outside? I'll inspect it. Got a weirdo who keeps stalking you professing his love? I'll get rid of it [him].

I have just survived three weeks on my own, as my housemate was staying at a friends place after she broke her leg and couldn't master the stairs too easily. I had many moments of being spooked while in bed and I would set about checking the house 2 or 3 times a night just to make sure I was really home alone in the house and all the doors and windows locked. If i couldn't handle it, I would turn my fan on and hope that if I was broken into while I was asleep, that they would be quick and leave me alone. There were a few nights when it felt like hours before I found some comfort in sleep... waking up the next day feeling sleep-drunk and exhausted but with no real other place to go to get away from the lack of sleep, I just simply had to be brave and take each day as it came. I got to the point of needing to drink some form of alcohol on a nightly basis just to help me sleep.

The absolute worst thing for me, is - they know what I look like. Sure, stuff is gone, and thanks be to God that no one was home or hurt. But they know what I look like...

Thankfully, my housemate is home now, and I think I've finally had the best nights sleep knowing someone else is here. It makes me mad I feel so vulnerable in my own home, and that I despise coming home to this place now that its been broken into. But I persevere through each day trusting that God has my back and I don't have to fear because He will protect me.

NB: I just discovered its 2 months today that the big break in happened. It really feels like it was just yesterday...

Pointy Finger Index

Typing isn't very easy when you have a well-bandaged finger in the air... so I'll keep this to some dot points and pictures [sorry for the repeat, Al]... [pictures might be a bit much for some folks to handle]

- Sat morning -

- 730-1600 shift -

Shower Resident 1.

Encourage Resident 2 to shower before breakfast.

A2 Residents in Dining Room for Breakfast.

Prepare Resident 3's coffee.

[[NOTE-the whole time I've worked at this facility, we've done the same routine: heat any main meals in the microwave before serving & heat drinks made with boiled water in the microwave. Resident 3 doesn't eat and drink them hugely fast, but I think the idea is she enjoys consuming the whole contents at a relatively warm tempetature.]]

Look in door-window of microwave - coffee is not boiling, foaming, frothing or looking overly agiatated.

Microwave beeps.

Take cup of extra-hot coffee out of microwave and place spoon in cup.

Eruption of contents over hand/s... owie owie ow...

Immediately put hands under cool water...

10minutes later EN [enrolled nurse], who was present at the time of accident, assesses hands, notes the affected areas, [thumb, pointer & middle finger from RIGHT hand worst affected, ring and pinky finger from LEFT], gets flaximide [? - burns cream] and covers both hands in cream.

Tells me to let it absorb for a while.

Wait with creamed hands looking at the work left to do in the kitchenette [I was early at this point].

Decide to put gloves on and using cold water finish dishes and kitchen cleaning.

This feels pretty good -- being in the cold water.

Go to Resident 3 who is now ready for a shower.

Showering with warm water = pain agony!!

Attempt to be as quick as possible.

Fail - resident chooses to rethink each item of clothing - of course.

Hands feeling not good.

Have a couple of sneaky peaks at right fingers, they look ok and still well creamed.

Finish Resident 3.

Right hand feeling less comfortable.

Take gloves off - right pointer has a small blister.

Decide to show the EN [about 40 minutes after accident].

EN calls the Boss, decide I should visit the doctors.

EN wraps pointer finger and re-creams other fingers.

Drive off with big bandaged finger in the air.

Doctor notes well done bandage by EN and approves of cream and bandages used.

Says he does not need to see under bandages.

Gives me a list of things to get from Chemist and says for me to come back Wednesday.

Do errands, go home and have lunch.

Fingers don't feel bad.

Pointer finger doesn't feel like anything,

Mid Afternoon - Saturday.

Notice my bandage keeps slipping off.

Decide a bit of air might help before re-creaming fingers.

Upon removal of bandage, this is the sight that I'm greeted by:

That's so attractive.

Continue to apply cream, paraffin strips, gauze and wrap in a dressing.

Saturday night my finger looks a bit more like this:

That is even more attractive.

Dubbed "Pregnant Finger", the blister is entering the end of the first trimester.

Must be a girl blister...

Weight [blister width] on the sides and long [creeping towards knuckles].

Photo's get quite the uproar of "POP IT!!!" from Facebook by my friends and their "qualified medical advice" - haha.

Pointer finger still doesn't feel like anything really.

Re-cream and strap all burnt fingers and head to bed.

- Sunday -

Was surprised blister survived the night.

Merry Christmas fabulousness-es...

All burnt finger bandages survive minus pinky finger bandage.

Felt this was a good achievement.

Attempt a shower - relatively successful.

Late afternoon, Pregnant Pointer looks like this:

Dead sexy.

As you can see - blister continues to grow.

Let it air, re-cream and strap and head out.

Slight ache in 2nd proximal knuckle...

[if counting from the tip, its the 2nd knuckle down].

Pop a couple of pain killers and head to bed.

- Monday -

Pregnant Pointer survives night #2 - amazed.

Keep finger unwrapped for morning.

Still growing.

Not hot to touch or any particular painful areas.

Took Pregnant Pointer to the cinema to see Tintin.

We both enjoyed it.

Finger starts to ache more when out for tea at classy McDonalds.

Check finger's progress:

You're major impressed right?

Me too...

I think we've reached full term.

And I think I might see if my doctor can see me tomorrow instead of Wednesday.

I don't really want to have to wait till I can say "I think Pointer's waters have broken!"...

Prayer would not go astray, my friends...

Chordae Tendineae... Heart Strings

I am constantly finding things that make my heart jump into my throat - like my is saying "Here's a little sneak peak of where you want to be" -- like God has put them in my path...

The two bigger things so far involve a book and a television show...

I have been reading this book for a while now, which is weird because when I'm totally involved and in-love with a book I usually don't put them down - but as I continue to read through this awesome book, I get such a bigger longing to be a trained midwife and to serve the Lord somewhere, Australia or overseas. It also makes me impatient to be already studying midwifery, and so perhaps dragging out reading this book is helping to delay that urgency... because in reality, I'm within a year of becoming a nurse. Shazzam!!!

The and the TV series featured on SBS called "Toughest Place to be a...", and Episode three focuses on a Midwife and her journey from working in well provided, relaxed and comfortable UK to stretched resources, overfilled and stressed Liberia. Oh my... *tear*

And thats just a little blurt about a part of my day to --- whomever reads this

Inspiration... Expiration...

This week was the first week that I felt I grasped the concept of a body system. Any body system. It was possibly most likely due to the new teacher we had. As of this second term at school, we've had one teacher no longer continue with us [perhaps she was only with us for the infection sections!?], and picked up two more - one who I absolutely LOVE!

The way she teaches... it grasps you into the world of the system or thing she is talking about. She constantly asks you questions throughout each session, and is aware if you are fading out from her talking then she needs to get us to get up, move around, or do a quiz. She knows that if you don't have your mind stimulated, you wont pay attention, and if you aren't you wont learn. She also knows the importance of plenty of breaks. But the best thing is... the best... thing... is that she wants you to have a go. Say the wrong answer, or say the right... the point is that you try each time you are asked... and then progressively learn the things you don't know after that. I loved it!

Thursday I left school pumped --- stoked --- excited --- FULL of excitement!!! I made myself diagrams and labels and quizzed myself - particularly on the things I wasn't 100% sure of. Still have things I'm not 100% sure of, but I feel confident I know the digestive system pretty well.

Friday... was boring. SO was not inspired. I cannot stand people who just read a slideshow as it is. I could do that at home. I'm in the class to be challenged and stimulated and inspired to want to know more, to ask questions. Nada. I know the other teachers appreciate our Friday teacher, but his teaching technique does not make me want to keep my eyes open!!

*Sigh*

Perhaps I could stage a protest... placards and all...

Tough'n up, Princess...

Works a bit tough 

[changes, changes, so many changes... and 3 deaths this year... hopefully that's it]

Schools a bit tough 

[pretty full on right now with anatomy and physics but way interesting]

Families a bit tough

[love them to bits, of course]

That's all. I'm just having a little selfish moment here...

Enjoy a couple of my favourite pic's I've taken

"flash photography" - Keppel Bay Marina, Singapore

Tally = Two

The talk around work now is constantly "Who's next!!?!?"- next... to die.

*insert doomy boomy backgroundy music here*

This might seem horribly morbid, but in reality this is a dealing mechanism for us at work. By 'predicting' who is 'next', we can get our head around the fact that people die, deal with it, and go about our daily job. Or something. Plus when you work with the elderly, this is a large fact of life that occurs alot more frequently. ALOT.

Today, Number Two passed away. When Number One passed away about a month or so ago, I felt totally lost. I felt really sad, because there were many aspects of Number One that I adored, plus she has the cutest personality, even though  no one could understand what she was saying. However, Number One was a handful, and so much of our routine was based around her. Infact, I would say in this particular area, one third of the routine was based around her. So, you can imagine how lost it was to then work without her there. Five minutes spare time? What is that...

Today, I got to work and heard that Number Two had been sent to hospital last night. I saw Number Two on Saturday, and she wasn't great, but we thought it might be just a bit of a phase. She was quiet. Mostly. Now that was unusual. She wasn't holding her frame - just a "floppy rag doll". Slightly unusual. She wasn't hungry and refused to eat or drink. Very unusual. Number Two lived on bacon and eggs, porridge, warm milk, and warm apple juice.

They told us she passed away comfortably, however it was due to heart failure and fluid around her heart and lungs that caused her to be hospitalised and evidently caused her to pass away. Number Two also had about one third of the routine in this particular area based around her. Two-thirds of every shift in that area has now changed. Thats a huge change. That's a change thats going to have hours cut from the roster because we don't have 2 high-care residents anymore.

Work was eerily quiet today. Residents were quite relaxed, but I think because they didn't know what has happened, and i'm not sure when or if they were told, they were oblivious and were just enjoying the peace and quiet. I believe the motto from upper management is not to tell them until they ask.

Tomorrow, I am probably working in that area with the two-thirds of the work routine gone. I'll kick myself if I subconsciously make bacon and eggs for Number Two - who, clearly, wont be eating it...