Within the Willows of the Way I Want to Wish you Well...

... Okay, butt is clicking into gear now... finally.

I want to revamp this site and give it a fresh new feel for a fresh new era... so hang tight. I've got plenty of time now and I will make this happen in the next 2 days...

Blessings..
Carola

WOW... [and whoops - totally forgot to upload this 2 weeks ago!]

I am TERRIBLE at keeping this updated. Excuse over. Note to self - I should stop using this as my starting phrase...

Honey, I am home. It's the weirdest thing.

I've been home 2 days. 2 days!?! In so many ways, I feel like I've never left. Perhaps it was because being with my friends here felt like there had never been time between.

We didn't have the awkward "They have jokes and I have jokes and the crossover of jokes requires explanation because we weren't present - you know, when someone fell over at your home church and it was funny, but you weren't there so just give a polite laugh.

We didn't have the "Things Carola wasn't present at" or the "things the home family weren't present at" finger pointing - you know, when someone says "Oh, you missed so-n-so's party - it was AWESOME!!"

It was like - we just kept going from the day I left. It was really the best welcome back to my group of closer friends that I could've imagined. Thankfully, I went into seeing my friends with ZERO expectations. I know from the first time coming back from the ship that if you expect anything - even the smallest things - you will highly likely be disappointed. People love you but the care factor isn't there. They want to know - don't get me wrong - but they don't understand. The excitement you have for things are like aliens from another planet to people at home - they just don't get it. Not because they are daft, they just weren't there. Like, you weren't at home to see the things they did.

But - I'm also expecting to have my feelings change... because at some point people will. And I will. I changed while I was away - will I change again when I

I am feeling many things. Lost. Confused. Unsure. Delayed. Put aside. Tired. Behind-the-times. Solitude. Seperation. Pain. That something is missing... and at the same time I feel other things. Joy. Excitement. Expectation. Variety. A new journey. Eagerness. Trust. Unknowing. Adventure.

I am not sure where I am at right at this moment. I feel a big gap inside from saying goodbye so many times. It's not like it usually is. Saying goodbye onboard usually follows with many hello's. But not this time. Not now. People are leaving and that is it. We are just getting smaller and smaller. My close friends have either left or are about to - which also means that I will make more close friends. But you know what I mean, right? Bonds that have been made are now stretched. I miss many people, and probably because I've been mostly drugged out the past week, for many of them, reality that they left haven't sunk in yet. When my closest pal, Rachel, left, that was like the breaking point. I was sore. Tired. On some seriously strong pain killers. And I was hurt. No one else can fill in the gap that Rachel filled. Just as the same that Rachel couldn't fill the gap that Alex filled. Or Mozza filled. Or anyone else from home that I so dearly miss.

One of the biggest things I've learnt on the ship is not to expect anything. From any situation or anyone. People who you think will keep in contact, don't. And people you expect to hear from, you wont. But, that's not all bad. We are all living our lives, and we all get caught up in our own situations. Just as the same as not to expect things to happen wherever you go. If I'm organising a program for a bunch of kids, not to expect as many to turn us as we're told. Expect nothing, and you will be surprised. If you expect 100 kids, you'll either get 12, or you'll get 300. And you just have to accomodate for that. It's just life.

Christmas last year [being, the Christmas of 2009] was probably the strangest Christmas I think I've ever had. The day was jam packed with things to do with the ships community. I didn't feel particularly festive because I was mentally preparing to be parted with two of my blessedly cursed wisdom teeth, people were leaving and... my mum and I had a conversation Christmas Eve which hurt... alot. But, I am a Bradford, so I am strong and things will be okay. Of course.

I do not like saying all of these goodbyes.

And now it is 2010. Crap! That is the strangest thing. I'll be 25 this year. Whoa-mama. That isn't old at all, but its an achievement. If i think about the ages I wanted to do things at - well, I have by far passed them. And when I think of how old my Mum was when certain milestones were had by her, I've passed them too, which sets into my mind that I'm behind the times, though I am not really.

*kicks herself out of the gloom & doom pocket*

I think I am just faffy today. Or lazy, but faffy sounds better. It's a Sunday. I don't have to work today, but I do have to work tomorrow when most everyone else is off. Tuesday - Friday I have to do a Leadership Training Course [okay, I don't really have to do it, I chose to] which will take up my time, and then the week after I am on Firerounds 11pm-7am. Don't call me that week unless you want to - which, I'm sure you'll love talking to a sleepy Carola :).

Hey so I'm stuck for amazing writing today, so I'm gonna get a smoothie or Bubble Tea [because I'm an addict] and then walk on back to the ship. I hope you are all having the most loveliest New Years Days... you know, its all new until its next year, then its old. Stay classy, San Diego...

MWAH!

Qwerty and other amazing things...

'Man with no legs bums around" Confucius says.

So... I don't know what to write, only I know that i should update this.

The last thing I wrote was to say that I plan on remaining on my floating home till "the official end" but that could be as long as getting it to a location and then leaving or... sticking around to remove stuff off of the ship. Meh. I've not really decided that much yet. I just want to get off before they remove the floor from beneath me :).

Today is Tuesday. Like many Tuesdays, nothing much is going on around here. We're open to the public, so there are many people in the book shop, and due to an odd communication between the Engine and Deck people, an outting that was planned by one but not communicated has given our Deck department the afternoon off. Joy. BUT... I am on Duty, so my joy stays within the ships boundaries. It does include the quayside right next to the ship, but I have to be able to report to any situation that arises. Joy. Really.

One of the officers and I [because we are stuck onboard] were about to watch a movie but he didn't realise he had a meeting so... here i am waiting. Its a bit of a miserable day though, for Singapore. In Singapore, even if it rains, its still warm. Its crazy. I think the only way you can get cold around here is if you have a 'cold' shower and then lie on your bed with a fan on and no blanket. That's it. Otherwise, you usually have a trail of sweat running somewhere. Yay.

Its strange around here. Its the week of Christmas and I don't feel that we can even be there yet. There is no commercialism slapping us in the face for not buying at the latest sale [which is no sale]... or anything. We have some Christmas decorations around the ship, sure. We're right next to a mall with enough reminders about the commercialized Christmas, but it isn't a disease like it usually is back home. Its great! It means I can think of Christmas for the REAL reason... that Jesus is the reason for the Season! And not because I bought everyone a present onboard. My gosh, if I did that, that would cost so much!

Also, there are many people leaving on the 27th. Many of my good, close friends are going home. So, that takes a little of the joy out of the Christmas week. The ship's community is shrinking in size, and that's not a bad thing, but it does make one sad when you realise that many of these friends were friends because we were doing something, together, and that from here on, many of them I will never see again. BUT... we will meet again... one day.. in a heavenly place...

So - these days are numbered for some and unknown for many. I'm trying to make the most of the time that I have left with people, but when so many people are leaving, you have to prioritise so that you spend quality time making memories with the closest people you have. Oh my...

BUT - let me not end on a sadder note! These are the days of Elijah, preparing the way of the Lord!!! These are really exciting days and its such a great time to be alive! I am young [yes, still!!!] and I have many things that will happen in my life and many of them I am yet to do and will have to be patient to wait on the right timing of the Lord. But even then, of the things I've done already... these will be great stories to tell my grandchildren if I'm not senile already, haha!

So - have yourself a very merry Christmas... and I will pray that your life is touched by all the many great things you ahve seen and experienced this year.

Blessings to you and your family,

Carola.

What's the story...

Well... just to quickly let you know where my brain is at... i have prayed alot about what I should do in the light of the current situation, where I should go, where I feel called to... etc... and honestly, I feel no calling anywhere else but here. To you this might sound whack, thinking "The ship is ending... why stay???"

Well, the ship still needs people. I committed to 2 years onboard the Doulos, and as I feel no pull to any country or ministry... I feel peace to stay, so I would like to stay. I believe my supporters will support me in this, too. They rock my socks off. And, the ship cannot go on for much longer past the 'due date' anyway... its just to get the girl to the last stop on her journey - be it a new owner or the scrap yards.

So, that is where my heads at...

[loving life and every possible moment within it...]

I Choo-choo-choose...

So - when i last updated, unexpected events arised, and I've not attempted to update until now.

If people weren't aware, I live on a ship that is 95 years old. That's a pretty old ship. She's even in the Guiness Book of World Records for being the oldest floating passenger liner still in use. That is a pretty big achievement, especially as most ships these days don't make it past 30 years or more. And, if you looked at our ship - you might not think she is very old judging solely on appearance, and think that the other ships which look rusty and really... crap... must be older. Well, its not true. We take good care of our 'home', while others just allow their ship to rust out. Sad really.

So - this old girl who we have been doing the BIG maintenance on, well, she was heading for retirement but it seems that retirement has arrived earlier than expected. Most of us saw September 2010 being the end of our dear ships life, but due to many reasons and many things that we cannot control, she will retire on the 31st of December... this year.

For some - this has rocked their world - and they aren't even on the ship. Those of us onboard seem to be more chilled and at peace with everything more than people who were, say, preparing to visit, or join, or used to be onboard, or who just know someone who is currently serving onboard. Whatever reason, some people are simply struggling with the concept that this ship has past her prime. But, for me, these are the days we are living for. The days that we don't understand what is going on, the days that the only place to turn to is to God. He has EVERYTHING under control, way before this happened. And now, we are being a missionary bomb; from one place we are displaced to many corners of the world, for training, ministry, work, or the next step in our journey. These are exciting times. And i'm SO glad that I'm apart of it all.

Is this easy? Heck no. I had my meeting with our Personnel people to discuss what we are thinking and the possibilities of the next steps. I'm very happy to stay till the end. And, so are they. And then after that, who knows but God. Will the end be on the 31st of December, or the end of January... February... June??? Hopefully soon we will know what the future looks like more clearly.

All I know is, there is NO place I would rather be right at this time.

I didn't know where I might've been anytime in the next year when the ship was still functioning, and now I still don't know where I'll be, but I can tell you that wherever I will be is where I am meant to be.

So - sorry this is a few weeks later than I had expected. There has been alot of thinking times, of talking with others about their ideas of the future and where they think they will be going. Everyone will be in a different place in a different role in a new opportunity. So please keep us in your prayers.

And... I will let you know more when I can.

GB

Sorry seems to be...

...the most commonly spoken word.

Hello. And... sorry. I feel like a bullet travelling out of a gun barrel, going at a crazy speed and getting everywhere fast. Either I keep my blog updated, and fail in my newsletters - or, I get my newsletter updated and fail to keep my blog afloat. Funny. I have lots of excuses I could use, like

- I thought having a computer at my fingertips often would make it easier, but it doesn't...
- The net hasn't been user friendly for a long time now, and I couldn't access the website till now...
- Work got the better of me, and once I left the office for the day, I really left the office...
- I'm tired alot. I think of things to write when I'm working.
- I don't use a QWERTY friendly keyboard.
- My dog ate it.

So... where am I? Singalah aka Singapore-lah. How am I? Exhausted [couldn't even write the word]. Knackered. Flat out like a lizard drinking. Why?

Dry Dock.

We've been here at Dry Dock World in Singapore doing, well, work on the ship for about... 24 days now. And better yet, there's more to come. We were quoted 5 weeks for Dry Dock this year because we have some major renovations to do to the ship to keep her user friendly and running all pretty for some years to come [we're praying]. So the 5 weeks [which was actually about 32 days, so like 4.5 weeks] has been extended another week or so. Basically, on the 23rd of November, we aim to leave Dry Dock. Only 10 days after our first predicted ETA date. That makes its about 6.5 weeks. That's a flamin' long time working 10-12 hours a day, starting at 6:30am for breakfast and going through till we finish.

For most of the 280+ people who normally live onboard, about 100 or so remain onboard working, and the rest do ministry off the ship. We had 2 phases because of the long Dry Dock and we now have to extend the 2nd phase so that they can continue doing ministry where they are working. This is a bit of a downer on them because they've been away from 'home' for so long, but exciting because they can continue serving the Lord in many different ways.

I've done some good quality decent hard work with the rest of my team and fellow Dry Dockies... its exhausting. Some people [who shall remain nameless] have actually said how boring they think Dry Dock is. Boring? It is far from it. I have laughed SO much and at so many different things. I have worked so hard and slept so good. They twiddle their thumbs and expect us to entertain them. BUT... I am not going to whinge. I am going to throw food at them. Thats a favourite past time, usually at Lunch. Good quality food throwing. We've had some that have gone nasty or have ended up on the wrong person [sorry, Chief!]. But we all laugh about it at the end of the day...after we have cleaned up.

But, today I am really tired. Really beyond what my mind can cope with. So... on that note, I am going to hit the hay. You crazy cats don't stay up too late now, you hear?? *smiles*

PS. There is something in the water Australians are drinking - so I'm just prewarning you. Apparently, and I've seen this first hand, that good quality fair dinkum Aussie drinking water gets you pregant and/or popping out kids. Be careful at the quantities that you drink. Outrageous.

God bless, and keep in touch!

Love, me