Confessions of a "XX-chromosome" {girl}

I think I just had the shortest shift at work thus far. Here's how the day panned out:

Alarm goes at 7:45am, but I'm already up. Great sleep!
Decided outfit, got dressed.
Had a tasty breakfast - mmm so tasty.
Have time spare, research AusPost so I can pick up my parcel - not open till I'm at work. Dang.
Head to work. Arrive 0858.
See friend pull up at the same time. Debate about going round the front, but last time it was locked. Choose side entrance.
Thought to wait for friend [who has key], but think she might take too long.
Ring door bell - [note this is the disastrous move...]
Door answered by RN. Served a pretty big slamming about ringing the door bell when the front door was open. Noted.
Thought I was okay.
Nope, not okay. Need space. Decide where to go to clear my head and avoid people for a bit.
EN comes and talks to me and asks if I'm okay. Oh poo, a fountain is pouring down my face.
Why the heck am I crying? It can't be because I got a big telling off. EN looks teary... odd.
Figure I've got a few things on my mind, and the telling off just triggered a reaction.
Calm myself down.
Maintenance dude see's me hiding outside, that i've been crying, and this makes him cry. Naw...
Maintenance dude makes me laugh, I can handle the day.
Plan to wash my face before facing the resi's.
RN comes and talks to me after talking to the EN.
More bloody crying. What the heck!? I'm not even being poked and asked "Are you gonna cry"...
Calmed down, made a plan with RN. I can handle the day again...
Wash my face in the bathroom. Take a moment. I'm good.
Walk out of bathroom. CEO sees me and says hi.
I try and fob a "Oh you've caught me going somewhere - here's a side wave".
CEO asks how I am. I can't not face her now...
I said "I'm fine, its all good, I'll be okay... I'll talk to you later"
CEO says its not fair to the residents to see me looking like I do. Thanks, now you made me feel crap.
More bloody crying. CEO wants to know whats going on.
CEO tells me to come in to her office and talk.
I have no idea anymore.
CEO sends me home.
Arrived home 0947.

Pretty sure I'm not paid for that 40 minutes of sitting around at work crying. CRYING!? I hate being a chick sometimes, seriously, especially because I get a mega ugly face when I do that awkward cry. I have no idea whats going on. Is it possible that today I'm just really on edge and I was caught off guard this morning?? I had plenty of sleep. I had breakfast even. What - the - freak...

I think today can be known as D-day = Disaster day. Today I need mega big strength, Lord! I don't think I'm up for much... but it will be nice to be able to lounge in my PJ's...

:: stuck in a moment ::

U2 song if you didn't know... and now, I'd like to start off with something a little different: Blergh!!!

I'm feeling stuck in a limbo place, like I am lost in a labyrinth - I know where I am meant to be, but there are a few decisions of some of the turns that I take which lead me in a variety of directions, causing me to feel, well ha, lost.

I think its because there are loads of changes taking place. My friends are all heading in new directions, because they are having families, or new career paths, living in new places, making new friends, going to new churches, or just having new adjustments in life. For a few of those friends I know we'll pull through because we will always put that effort in, but for some of the others I'm afraid the change will actually make some great huge gap in the friendship. Not saying that its bad for people to change or for life to change - nay, infact I welcome it! Its just that I have to get used to it... re-adjust to the new-ness of it all... and I have to be ready to let other people have their own changes happen.

Of course, I can't sit here drinking my Latte writing all of that and make it sound like I'm being left behind. That's not what I'm trying to get across. I'm just trying to get out of my head the thoughts that are storming through at this moment, and you get to read them in some riddly way. Its okay! I know I'm also heading in a new direction.

In many ways I think this faffy, limbo-feeling is more to reflect that its a bit scary - all this change. Its scary to feel unsure about things you thought you were sure about. Its also a time to recognise we have to let God's path for each of us run ahead, individually, as a group, as a family. We can't stall our destination, only the journey getting there.

Acknowledgement of the nitty gritty things is my first step to changing my attitude towards them... so, bear with me as I acknowledge them... pretty please?! :)

I get jealous of other friendships. Terrible thing to admit, but I do. I try SO hard not to get jealous, because i know its not productive, and it causes one to assume things that are - usually - false. I know it stems from my 'awkward' years [age 9-16] where most friendships were purely for some platonic end result like getting homework projects done or help with art stuff, and then when there was achievement, friendship would be over and I'd be outcast again. Stupidly, I would believe them every time that their friendship was true. Burnies burnies ouchie-wah burnies. When in my final year of school, I developed a 'no-care' philosophy that resulted in rebellion, a stand against bullies, an adoption of the awkward kids and a personality boost. But it still creeps in every now and then. Phew! I'm glad I said that out loud [on my blog].

I get really hurt when a new friendship doesn't turn out the way I want/wish it to. I know, I really know, that you can't be friends with everyone... but that doesn't stop me from trying. Infact, I sometimes try so hard it makes me sick, or really really emotionally and mentally drained. I'm quickly learning that sometimes, on the rare occasion, there are just the 'church' friends, or the 'I would like a project done, lets communicate' friends. I am also learning that not everyone is as efficient at communicating as I am... and that's okay, and it doesn't always mean you can't be friends. All of that just shows that the friends I've had for a long time are just fabulous for loving me for soooooo long... because clearly I can be a bit demanding. Awesome, but demanding!

A positive random to note: I'll probably be WAY too busy with school, work and my church activities for the next 14months that I'll have no time to think about boys or singleness, and will likely be having the best sleeps since Dry Dock in Singapore! I told you that it was random!

Well, thats enough ranting for now... I feel lighter, I hope you don't feel burdened!!

My inspiration for the week comes from the moving "Flashdance", a movie I seriously love.  I've watched it twice this past week. Alex, the lead character, works 2 jobs, rides her bike everywhere - even in heels and a LBD - and dances up a sweaty storm in all the other free time that she has. Crazy. If you haven't seen the movie, and don't love cheesy dance movies, don't watch it. But if you do love cheesy dance movies, then its a winner. 80's bad hair, bad dancing, bad outfits, bad background music, but full of greatness...

What's inspiring you this week!?

NB: As I am just about to finish and post this monstrosity, Julia Lester stops by to ask me a favour. Don't know who Julia Lester is? Neither did I... till I found her on the ABC Classical FM Website. She brings home the Classical Drive for the crazy Adelaide people who are driving home from work. I liked how she introduced herself... it was classy. Small time fame, but coolness.

:: trails, mud and stacks of fun

Friday afternoon was not your typically inviting weather for camping. Nor was Saturday. But brave it we did and conquer it we have.

My shift at work on Friday went relatively well. Showers done, we all made our way at our pace up to the Big Room for the Friday Barbecue Breakfast. Fridays always have a great start because no matter how long you are working for, you get to eat a hearty meal with the residents. Work finished a bit late, and i managed to shower and pack my car up for camping within an hour. I was also impressed.

Picking Pete up on the way, I was highly amused that he was bringing more stuff than me - a girl. He was even bringing more clothes than me, which when I first thought about it, I wondered if I somehow could've missed packing vitally important things like underwear or a change of socks. Satisfied I hadn't forgotten anything, and that I pack better than him, I happily left him to tie all the bikes and gear up [because he didn't need any help, he said] and then we made tracks for the hills.

We passed the Mount Lofty Information Centre with the understanding that Pete knew where he was going. I thought we needed to take road [a] but Pete thought we took road [b]. So we drove down road [b] to discover that it wasn't the way we were needing to go. I again thought we should take road [a] but Pete thought perhaps we should go down road [c] - but the choice was up to me. SO I did what any chick would do - I drove back to the Information Centre to get a map.

HILARIOUSLY... I was right. But because I'm nice, I don't rub it in. Noteably, if it was the other way around, I wouldn't hear the end of it. Ha. We had some trouble getting the lock undone at the gate, but we found the site quickly, followed by Tim & Nay.

We were all ready for bed - it was only about 9pm - when Justin & Cheryl finally arrived. It was amusing to watch him put their tent up, he wasn't happy with his tent not behaving, and it probably didn't help that we were having a good laugh about it. Pretty much, as soon as they were set up, the rest of us dispersed to bed.

The next day, after a restless night of sleep, most of us took a while to warm up to the vertical position but thanks to the roaring fire that wasn't starting too quickly... [note: kids verses boys. Kids cheat first, then boys cheat, then boys atleast start the fire using their cheating method]. The blokes took swing to the wind and hacked up several logs, slowly building our burning nest egg up throughout the day. I took a ride down one of the roads nearby, only to discover its mush and lack of riding ability on a downhill run and careered into the trees via a slip-sliding path. After a tour through some pine growth, I came out the other side, muddy, tired but enjoyed the ride. After lunch, some of the others took to a ride, and found a bike path through the pines that a group of us did several times. It had all the perks of sharp corners, sludge pits, a nice down hill run quickly followed by a sharp turn that if you miss will create an entertaining scenario for anyone else watching. Atleast after we finished the ride, I wasn't the only one with a mud trail up my back and splatters down my front.

Justin and I had a jam sesh in the arvo as he brought his guitar [wait, I brought his guitar], which I really enjoyed, and I think the others did too. Some of the gang started getting tea ready, and others took some walks. At about 6pm, 2 girls that Sharon knows from church came out and brought dessert for us all. It was GREAT! We all stank, yet it was nice that they were keen to chat - AND bring great food. Our eyes  were all stinging from the smoke which made going to bed early easy... until....

5:30am. Car alarm going off. Thankfully it stopped soon after, however we later discovered that no one turned it off and no one got out of their tents to check out why it did go off. But then something [okay, it was a roo] was sniffing at my tent not long after that - so I decided that Roo's had bumped into someone's car and set off the alarm. That was a better theory than one that some perve tried to get into a car and then came and sniffed my tent. Yeah, not cool...

The next day we all were packed pretty early and eating delicious porridge. That is, all of us except Justin & Cheryl. Somehow they missed the note [or the general awareness] that you usually pack up and leave a campsite early. There was this classic moment when they were both sitting looking at the fire eating breakfast when the rest of us are loading up cars and tidying up. I had a good chuckle!

After a GREAT lunch at Williamstown, we all made our ways back home to unpack, set up, clean up, pack down and wash.

God, I just love camping!!!