:: stuck in a moment ::

U2 song if you didn't know... and now, I'd like to start off with something a little different: Blergh!!!

I'm feeling stuck in a limbo place, like I am lost in a labyrinth - I know where I am meant to be, but there are a few decisions of some of the turns that I take which lead me in a variety of directions, causing me to feel, well ha, lost.

I think its because there are loads of changes taking place. My friends are all heading in new directions, because they are having families, or new career paths, living in new places, making new friends, going to new churches, or just having new adjustments in life. For a few of those friends I know we'll pull through because we will always put that effort in, but for some of the others I'm afraid the change will actually make some great huge gap in the friendship. Not saying that its bad for people to change or for life to change - nay, infact I welcome it! Its just that I have to get used to it... re-adjust to the new-ness of it all... and I have to be ready to let other people have their own changes happen.

Of course, I can't sit here drinking my Latte writing all of that and make it sound like I'm being left behind. That's not what I'm trying to get across. I'm just trying to get out of my head the thoughts that are storming through at this moment, and you get to read them in some riddly way. Its okay! I know I'm also heading in a new direction.

In many ways I think this faffy, limbo-feeling is more to reflect that its a bit scary - all this change. Its scary to feel unsure about things you thought you were sure about. Its also a time to recognise we have to let God's path for each of us run ahead, individually, as a group, as a family. We can't stall our destination, only the journey getting there.

Acknowledgement of the nitty gritty things is my first step to changing my attitude towards them... so, bear with me as I acknowledge them... pretty please?! :)

I get jealous of other friendships. Terrible thing to admit, but I do. I try SO hard not to get jealous, because i know its not productive, and it causes one to assume things that are - usually - false. I know it stems from my 'awkward' years [age 9-16] where most friendships were purely for some platonic end result like getting homework projects done or help with art stuff, and then when there was achievement, friendship would be over and I'd be outcast again. Stupidly, I would believe them every time that their friendship was true. Burnies burnies ouchie-wah burnies. When in my final year of school, I developed a 'no-care' philosophy that resulted in rebellion, a stand against bullies, an adoption of the awkward kids and a personality boost. But it still creeps in every now and then. Phew! I'm glad I said that out loud [on my blog].

I get really hurt when a new friendship doesn't turn out the way I want/wish it to. I know, I really know, that you can't be friends with everyone... but that doesn't stop me from trying. Infact, I sometimes try so hard it makes me sick, or really really emotionally and mentally drained. I'm quickly learning that sometimes, on the rare occasion, there are just the 'church' friends, or the 'I would like a project done, lets communicate' friends. I am also learning that not everyone is as efficient at communicating as I am... and that's okay, and it doesn't always mean you can't be friends. All of that just shows that the friends I've had for a long time are just fabulous for loving me for soooooo long... because clearly I can be a bit demanding. Awesome, but demanding!

A positive random to note: I'll probably be WAY too busy with school, work and my church activities for the next 14months that I'll have no time to think about boys or singleness, and will likely be having the best sleeps since Dry Dock in Singapore! I told you that it was random!

Well, thats enough ranting for now... I feel lighter, I hope you don't feel burdened!!

My inspiration for the week comes from the moving "Flashdance", a movie I seriously love.  I've watched it twice this past week. Alex, the lead character, works 2 jobs, rides her bike everywhere - even in heels and a LBD - and dances up a sweaty storm in all the other free time that she has. Crazy. If you haven't seen the movie, and don't love cheesy dance movies, don't watch it. But if you do love cheesy dance movies, then its a winner. 80's bad hair, bad dancing, bad outfits, bad background music, but full of greatness...

What's inspiring you this week!?

NB: As I am just about to finish and post this monstrosity, Julia Lester stops by to ask me a favour. Don't know who Julia Lester is? Neither did I... till I found her on the ABC Classical FM Website. She brings home the Classical Drive for the crazy Adelaide people who are driving home from work. I liked how she introduced herself... it was classy. Small time fame, but coolness.