"Hello! It's God calling..."

I was talking to my Dad the other day, something that I have the blessing of being able to do about once a month. Not because I don't want to talk to him more than that, we just don't often have enough to say if its a weekly phone call. After the greetings, I say "How's work?", he says "Its okay, you know the usual stuff". He says "What are you keeping yourself in mischief with?" I say "I've been doing a bit of this and that". The weather. A joke about something or someone we know. The latest goss on people we know. Half an hour of saying goodbye [that's Dad's gift really], "love you's" and off we go again. 

He's only just got a mobile [cell] phone, and when I say just I mean, nearly a year ago now. Since this move into 'yuppie ville' of technology I feel more connected with Dad because I can just send him a text to say hello or that I'm thinking of him. He's not so familiar with the concept of text messages, so to him, its like a phone call. If he gets a text, [since he doesn't know how to reply], he feels the need to phone.

I sent him a random 'I love you, Dad!' text to which later in that evening just as I'd started eating tea after being with some kids for the night, he called. I shot him down saying he didn't need to phone me if I send a message like that. He can just know I'm thinking of him.

It got me thinking. I think I've done that to God too.

As much as I would love to think I'm a great child of God, I also realise how I disobey and don't appreciate the love that God has for me. He sends me good things, and I accept them. I send him a prayer [like a text] and when He replies, I disregard it. When He calls, I tell Him he doesn't have to because I'm fine, I'm in the middle of something, or I'm [insert inconsiderate reply here]. Its like... I put conditions on the love God has. I put times on it. I like God's love attention when its through a blessing or when it suits me, otherwise, I seem to disregard it.

My Father, God, loves me unconditionally, and I know that. He wants to be apart of my everyday, and He just wants to show His love to me through various things. My Father, Clive, also loves me, but there could be points in life where the unconditional love could be harmed or broken, and the love hurt.

I love both of my Fathers. I love them more than I say. I want to blame the aspects of my childhood as the reason why I get a bit awkward with certain love attention, but I'm almost 25 and I think I cannot blame that anymore. If my Dad calls me, I should respond with loving kindness knowing that he is thinking of me. But I get annoyed because he's interrupting something I'm doing.

I hate that and I need to work on this more, both with my Heavenly and Earthly Fathers. I need to let my Dad love me the way he knows how to, and if its through a phone call, then that's what he knows. I need to let him into my life and not just when it suits me. But, bigger than that, I need to let God in my life everyday. I need to let him drive me. I need to let him steer the wheel and be my GPS in life. He know's where I'm going. 

If I decide to drive, then I also need to be willing to pull over on the side of my Life's road and answer His call when he needs to speak to me. And better than that, I need to put him on Speakerphone more and mute him less.

Funny thing is, being on the ship exposed me to many people who hugged everyone and loved personal and physical contact, something that was very foreign from me. Mum always says I hated being hugged when I was young, but I think there were bigger reasons for that. Feeling unaccepted was a big one. Feeling not a part of my split family sometimes, another big part of it. I didn't want fake love, and maybe I thought that's what I was getting. I know that at school, being the uncool kid, I would have friends only when it suited them. As soon as I did what they had intended me to do [like, their school work], or when I stood up to them,  I was once again uncool and they stopped liking me. Obviously, that was a HUGE part of my dilemma. School, aside from the work, kinda sucked for me.

But thankfully, my awkward years are far behind me. I might talk a little less now [than I did a year or so ago], but I'm still me, still quirky, still struggling with life and definately still learning. Ha!

Have a rip-snorta blessed day today!


Rachel said...

Great post, thanks for the reminder!! <3 you!